The Colonel Will Haunt Your Dreams

American Fitness

My Hair's on End About You..

George Washington: Beer and Garbling on the Campaign Trail, 1758.

            Imagine a bunch of stumbling, drunk buffoons wearing powdered wigs while slurring their words and choking on their wooden teeth as they discuss politics. No, this isn’t a scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia; this is American history. You see, during the formative years of the United States of America election day was a reason to get hammered, and whoever happened to serve up the best and most abundant dregs would tend to win the election; this was a lesson that our first president had to learn the hard way during his 1755 campaign for a seat in the Virginia House of Burgesses, the first legislative assembly of elected representatives in North America. Washington, who was only 23 at the time, refused to serve booze to would-be voters at the polls and as a result lost the election 271-40 to an opponent who served beer, whiskey, rum punch, and wine. Just three years later with presumably enough hooch to turn election day into a stumbling, slurring bad memory, Washington won his seat with an astonishing 331 votes. 

            Dennis Pogue writes about all of this in his book Founding Spirits: George Washington and the Beginnings of the American Whiskey Industry where he documents the construction of Washington’s rye whiskey distillery. As Pogue acknowledges, though, Washington didn’t really have a taste for whiskey; he just wanted to be part of a burgeoning market where the average man drank about five gallons of red-eye every year. No, our first president had an affinity for Portuguese wine and American beer, specifically Mr. Hair’s Porter which Washington pronounced “The best Porter in Philadelphia” in a 1790 letter to that city. Unfortunately that brewery caught on fire somewhere towards the latter part of 1790, so Washington had to start ordering his dark, malty treat from the brewery of Benjamin Morris, grandson of Anthony Morris who was one of the first brewers in the country, that would later become better known as Francis Perot and Sons Malting Company, a company that brewed until the 1960s at which point it was considered to be the longest running business in American history.

            While alcohol at or around polling places has long since been banned, check CA Code Section 12288, booze is still a prominent factor in political campaigns in the form of contributions, although beer’s role is monopolized by the yellow fizzies. I know it’s a cliché to say that our founding fathers were far wiser than our politicians today, but honestly… what better proof is there? Washington loved himself a dark, hoppy Porter. Remember Obama’s “Beer Summit”? He ordered a Bud Light.

            

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